Journey to Thin

I have fat, but I wouldn't say I am fat.

I'm "chubby". And I don't really want to be chubby for our wedding.

Technically, I'm within the healthy weight range for my height and age, but I'm not happy with how I look. In my opinion, I'm carrying around 25 or 30 pounds more than I'd like to.

Since the age of 18, I've fluctuated all the way from 170 down to 135. I'm ashamed to admit that I'm currently at the upper end of that spectrum.

Left: 2005 (145 lbs), Right: 2009 (165 lbs)

It's crazy how, over time, your perceptions change. Your idea of "fat" morphs depending on how much you weigh. In 2005, I thought I was overweight. But here I am wearing extremely low-rise jeans, a shirt that shows off my stomach, and double-fisting soda (coughbeer) like my metabolism's made of steel...

But after college, it all went downhill.

Despite having turned into a pretty decent triathlete and runner, I've never seemed to regain control of my figure. I have quite a few obstacles between me and weight loss.

Obstacle #1: I'm picky
. Like, seriously. Picky beyond belief. I don't like red meat, vegetables, fish, or mixing foods together (stir fry is my living hell). My basic diet consists of cereal, pasta, chips, bagels, and chicken.
Obstacle #2: I don't like working out. I'm a triathlete, but I generally despise working out. Signing up for races is the only way to motive myself to train. Even when I am in training, I'm probably not working out as much as I should be every week.
Obstacle #3: I'm always hungry. I wake up every morning starving. 4 hours later, I'm starving again. It doesn't matter how much I eat at one meal... I'm always hungry a short 4 hours later.

I have successfully lost weight in the past by working out and counting calories... but as soon as I stopped, all the weight came back. And this time, I'm exhausted. I'm sick of counting calories. I'm sick of the same up and down.

I know working out helps, but I'm not very motivated in the dead of winter. I'd rather hang out on my coach watching old DVDs of Greys Anatomy than trek all the way to the gym.

When we hit the one year mark before the wedding, I set a personal goal to lose 30 pounds before next June.

So how much have I lost?

None. (Well, I lost about 7 pounds... but then gained it all right back.)

I'm thinking about trying Weight Watchers. I've heard good things about it. The only thing I'm concerned about are the meetings. I get anxiety in situations where I have to interact with strangers (I know how terrible that makes me sound). Plus, I don't want people judging me for how little weight I have to lose (once again... terrible).

What do you think? Has anyone out there had any good experiences with Weight Watchers? I'm ready to drop this weight for good!


Anonymous said...

1) I think you look beautiful!

2) That being said, I totally get what you're saying. My mom just joined WW online and really likes it. I'm thinking of doing that. You should join, too, and we can hold each other accountable for it! There's loads of other bloggers out there documenting their experience with WW (www.kjpugs.com, for example).

Miss Cuddlefish said...

I am picky too and all I eat is bread and pasta. No red meat here!!! Anyway, I have tried weight watchers in the past and lost 8 lbs. I felt a little out of place there because I started at 118 lbs (I am SHORT) and ended at 110 lbs. I think people wondered why I was there but it really taught me a lot about PORTION CONTROL, which I have a very hard time with. GOOD LUCK!

jacin said...

you can do it!!

Jennie said...

I totally get what you're saying. I feel the same, though I think Weight Watchers would make me REALLY successful because I'd want to beat everyone else. (How terrible does that make ME sound? :) )

I also know that diets tend to make me go a little nuts, so as yucky as it is, I'm on the counting calories and working out 6x a week plan myself.

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