Marriage and Infidelity

There once was an episode of Sex and the City where Charlotte was engaged, and upset with Carrie because she was the "other woman" in Big's marriage. The only reason Charlotte was upset was because she was preparing to wed the man she loved while her friend was making a mockery of the institution of marriage.

Now that we have the picture, I'd like to say that I'm encountering a similar situation.

A coworker friend of mine (who shall remain nameless and title-less) is having an affair with another of my coworkers (who shall also remain all that stuff). Only a few people at my office know about it, and I happen to be one of them.

Every time he talks about their dates or the time they spend together, I feel awkward. It's not that I don't think they make a good couple (which, let's face it... they don't)... it's just that I can't stop thinking about his poor wife.

Despite the fact that they've been having marital problems for years, I can't help but feel like it's just not right. What if the poor wife thinks things are finally turning around for them... while he's secretly off with another woman?


But it gets better (and more relative to this whole "wedding blog" operation I'm running here). Because I have no idea how to address the invitation!

I assume that if he came to our wedding, he would bring the girlfriend (mostly because we all work together, but also because he isn't too fond of his wife). But I can't possibly address the invitation to the two of them!

I could address it to him only... but then I'd have awkwardly ask him in person who he plans on bringing (so I can properly address the placecard).

Has anyone else run into this dilemma? (I doubt it... it's a unique one!)


Alaina said...

Even though they're both your coworkers, I think you should invite them separately (giving him the chance to bring his wife). Inviting them together or asking him if he's bringing his mistress as his date to your wedding would get you too involved and could give the impression that you approve of the relationship. What if his wife somehow saw your wedding pictures and realized you've known about his affair all along?

Anonymous said...

Ugh, awkward!!!!

MOB said...

Alaina is spot on.


I hope they don't read this blog.

Leana said...

Oh boy, this is an awkward situation for sure! And one that is for the two of them to figure out. If you do want to invite both of these people the best etiquette is to invite him and his wife and her and her significant other. If you invite him I think you would pretty well have to invite his wife. And then it is up to the two of them to decide how they are going to handle themselves at your wedding. Needless to say though, I definitely feel sorry for the other people in those relationships.

Anonymous said...

I would be sorely tempted to not invite them at all. If I did, I would definitely make a point of inviting them separately.

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